Life Lessons from Death: What Truly Matters
Discover the two profound questions that reveal what matters most in life, inspired by hospice wisdom. Learn how love shapes true happiness.
At a mindfulness conference, I had a life-changing encounter with Frank Ostaseski, co-founder of the Zen Hospice Project and a veteran caregiver to the dying. His decades of bedside experience distilled into two piercing questions that reframe how we prioritize life.
The Two Questions That Change Everything
When I asked Frank what matters most at life's end, he answered without hesitation:
"They just want to know: Was I loved? And, did I love well? Love: that’s all that really matters."
These questions became my lens for meaningful living—a tool to cut through daily distractions and reconnect with what’s essential.
Why These Questions Resonate So Deeply
"Was I loved?" triggers visceral memories of connection:
- Family laughter
- Shared inside jokes
- Moments of pure presence
"Did I love well?" measures our capacity for giving:
- Choosing people over tasks
- Being fully present
- Expressing affection openly
A Practical Example: Welding Over Emails
When my son wanted to show me his welding project recently, I nearly said "Later" to finish work. Then Frank’s wisdom flashed through my mind. I chose:
- Immediate connection over delayed productivity
- Curiosity over routine
- Love in action over good intentions
The Takeaway: Love Is Always Now
Mindfulness practices help us recognize these truth:
- Happiness isn’t found in achievements alone
- Our deepest regrets center on missed chances to love
- Every moment offers a choice between distraction and connection
For more transformative insights, explore conversations with Frank Ostaseski, Mirabai Bush, and Rabbi Rami Shapiro on finding true happiness through presence and compassion.