How to Tell If You’re a Blamer (And How to Stop)

Do you immediately look for someone to blame when things go wrong? If so, you might have a blaming habit—but you’re not alone. In a talk for the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, researcher Brené Brown shares a humorous yet revealing story about her own tendency to blame (spoiler: it didn’t end well).

Here’s what psychology and Brown’s research reveal about toxic blame behavior and how to shift toward healthy accountability.

Why Do We Blame Others? 2 Key Lessons

1. Blame Releases Discomfort and Pain

Psychological shortcut: Blaming others gives us a false sense of control. As Brown says, “I’d rather it be my fault than no one’s fault.”
Research insight: “Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability.”
The cost: Blaming blocks growth. Leaning into discomfort helps us learn from mistakes.

2. Blame Is Faster Than Accountability

Accountability takes courage: It requires vulnerable conversations like “Hey, my feelings were hurt by this.”
Blamers lack grit: Brown notes that chronic blamers “seldom have the tenacity to hold people accountable.”
Relationship damage: Blame leaves no room for empathy. Slowing down and listening is key.

How to Break the Blame Cycle

Pause before reacting: Notice when blame thoughts arise.
Ask yourself: “What am I really feeling?” (Often fear, shame, or insecurity).
Practice accountability: Use “I feel…” statements instead of accusations.

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Articles tagged "blame"

Articles tagged "blame"

How to Stop Blaming Others: Brené Brown's Insights