Overcoming Social Anxiety: How to Be Yourself

How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Build Authentic Connections

Social anxiety can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming, leaving many people feeling isolated. If you struggle with social situations, you're not alone—and there are proven ways to build confidence while staying true to yourself.

Understanding Social Anxiety: The Fear of 'The Reveal'

Psychologist Ellen Hendriksen explains in her book How to Be Yourself that socially anxious people don't just fear judgment—they fear that others will discover their perceived flaws. She calls this "The Reveal," which typically falls into four categories:

• Physical symptoms: Worrying about visible signs of anxiety (sweating, shaking)
• Appearance: Concern about being unattractive or "weird" looking
• Personality: Doubting one's coolness, humor, or competence
• Conversation skills: Fear of saying something awkward or forgetting words

4 Proven Strategies to Overcome Social Anxiety

1. Reframe Negative Thoughts with CBT Techniques

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help challenge anxious thoughts. Try this exercise:

1. Identify your fear: "When I [social situation], it will become obvious that I am [self-criticism]."
2. Ask yourself:
   • How bad would the worst outcome really be?
   • What are the actual odds of it happening?
   • How would I cope if it did happen?

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Research shows self-compassion reduces social anxiety. Try:

• Mindfulness: Acknowledge your feelings without judgment
• Kind self-talk: "Even though I'm nervous, I'll be okay"
• Common humanity: Remember everyone feels anxious sometimes

3. Take Small, Consistent Steps

Avoidance worsens anxiety. Instead:

• Start with manageable challenges (e.g., saying "hi" to one person)
• Gradually increase difficulty (e.g., joining a brief conversation)
• Create structure (volunteer for an event role to facilitate interactions)

4. Drop Your Safety Behaviors

Common "exit strategies" that backfire:

• Avoiding eye contact
• Over-rehearsing conversations
• Using nervous laughter or excessive smiling

Studies show people appear more likable when they drop these crutches and interact authentically.

The Path to Authentic Connection

Social skills improve with practice—not perfection. As Hendriksen emphasizes: "You are enough just as you are." By combining these strategies, you can:

• Reduce anxiety in social situations
• Build genuine connections
• Stay true to your authentic self

Remember: Growth happens gradually. Celebrate small victories, and be patient with yourself as you develop social confidence.