Does Seeing Others Fail Help Your Self-Compassion?

Failure has become increasingly visible in today's culture. Entrepreneurs host failure conferences, fitness influencers share workout bloopers, and social media feeds overflow with #fail content. But does this normalization of failure actually help us develop self-compassion?

The Psychology of Shared Failure: What Research Shows

A groundbreaking University of Waterloo study examined how witnessing others' failures affects our emotional response to our own shortcomings. Researchers conducted an experiment with 100+ college students involving:

• Recording a personal introduction video
• Receiving artificially low evaluation scores (5/9 vs peer average of 7/9)
• Learning whether peers scored similarly or better
• Completing emotional self-assessments

Key Findings: Who Benefits From Shared Failure Experiences?

The study revealed two distinct patterns:

For highly self-compassionate individuals:
- Seeing others fail reduced feelings of shame
- Increased positive emotions
- Boosted existing self-compassion

For self-critical individuals:
- Peer failures provided little comfort
- Negative self-perceptions remained strong

Why This Difference Exists

Researchers suggest:
- Self-compassionate people already view failure as normal
- Shared failures validate their worldview
- Self-critical individuals feel isolated in their flaws

Practical Applications: Building Self-Compassion

If supporting others:
- Avoid immediately sharing your own failures
- First validate their emotional experience
- Tailor your approach to their needs

For personal growth:
- Practice self-kindness daily
- Reframe failures as learning opportunities
- Recognize imperfections as universally human

The Bottom Line

While failure normalization helps some, true self-compassion requires foundational work. Developing kindness toward ourselves enables us to benefit from shared human imperfection.

This research originally appeared in Greater Good Magazine, published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center.